Mellors’ Last Rant

"We’ve got this great industrial population, and they’ve got to be fed, so the damn show has to be kept going somehow. The women talk a lot more than the men nowadays, and they are a sight more cock-sure. The men are limp, they feel a doom somewhere, and they go about as if there was nothing to be done. Anyhow, nobody knows what should be done, in spite of all the talk. The young ones get mad because they’ve no money to spend. Their whole life depends on spending money, and now they’ve got none to spend. That’s our civilization and our education: bring up the masses to depend entirely on spending money, and then the money gives out. The pits are working two days, two and a half days a week, and there’s no sign of betterment even for the winter. It means a man bringing up a family on twenty-five and thirty shillings. The women are the maddest of all. But then they’re the maddest for spending, nowadays.

"If you could tell them that living and spending isn’t the same thing! But it’s no good. If only they were educated to live instead of earn and spend, they could manage happily on twenty-five shillings. If the men wore scarlet trousers as I said, they wouldn’t think so much of money: if they could dance and hop and skip, and sing and swagger and be handsome, they could do with very little cash. And amuse the women themselves, and be amused by the women. They ought to learn to be naked and handsome, and to sing in a mass and dance the old group dances, and carve the stools they sit on, and embroider their own emblems. then they wouldn’t need money. And that’s the only way to solve the industrial problem: train the people to be able to live and live in handsomeness, without needing to spend. But you can’t do it. They’re all one-track minds nowadays. Whereas the mass of people oughtn’t even to try to think because they can’t. They should be alive and frisky, and acknowledge the great god Pan. He’s the only god for the masses, forever. The few can go in for higher cults if they like but let the mass be forever pagan."

Mr Mellors’ last rant, from DH Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

Twiddling Little Machines

DH Lawrence, a man before his time. In a conversation between the Game Keeper and Lady Chatterley, in reply to a question she asks him about the common people, the proletariat:

"Their spunk is gone dead. Motor-cars and cinemas and aeroplanes suck that last bit out of them. I tell you, every generation breeds a more rabbity generation, with indiarubber tubing for guts and tin legs and tin faces. Tin people! It’s all a steady sort of bolshevism just killing off the human thing, and worshipping the mechanical thing. Money, money, money! All the modern lot get their real kick out of killing the old human feeling out of man, making mincemeat of the old Adam and the old Eve. They’re all alike. The world is all alike: kill off the human reality, a quid for every foreskin, two quid for each pair of balls. What is cunt but machine fucking! - It’s all alike. Pay ’em money to cut off the world’s cock. Pay money, money, money to them that will take spunk out of mankind, and leave ’em all little twiddling machines."

Little twiddling machines, twiddling little machines.

How To Be Free

Reading a wonderful book at the moment, "How to be Free" by Tom Hodgkinson, about casting of the shackles we didn't even know were there. It is not a self-help book...of sorts...though the concept is that way inclined. It follows the notions of sustainability and finding happiness in life through similar principles. Anyway, here's an excerpt i've just read on the bus, regarding the bondage of time-keeping:

"The automobile, for example, saves no time in the long run. Ivan Illinch once calculated that if you add up all the time you spend on a car, including the trips to the garage and the time spent earning the money to buy the fuel and maintain the vehicle, and divide by the number of miles you travel, then your average speed is 5mph. You would be faster on a bicycle. Speed, paradoxically, eats up our free time."

Brilliant!

Not So Smug Anymore

Christmas past, i returned to my mother's house in Portsmouth. A refreshing experience as usual, for it brings one closer to the reality of the nation and its citizens. Its all too easy to live in London and feel that this is how the people of England live. It certainly isn't, as i'm well aware...in theory, though not in practice.

After Christmas dinner, i went out with my mother and step-father for a walk to the seafront and back. On this walk, the usual disgust for road vehicles surged in me, enough to bring it up in conversation. As oil had just reached a record high, about $100 per barrel at the time, i asked them how much the price of fuel would have to rise by before they'd start changing the way they use their car. At the time it was about £1.10 a litre for petrol. Would £2 make a difference? How about £3?

I was asking them this, trying to keep the inner smug grin well off their radar, and they answer with the utmost courteousness. "Maybe, over £2 we would start to change our behaviour...but to be honest, we only use the car to go the gym and to get to work, and to see your nan...everything else is within walking distance. I suppose we could use a bicycle to make most of those journeys...". And of course, one wouldn't need to go to the gym if one was cycling, haw haw haw.

Then my step father asked me, innocently enough, "How much would it take for the price of beer to rise before you started to change your drinking habits?". Damn! I hadn't thought of that! Humble pie thrown in my face. See how easy it is for a Londoner to think their way of life is progressive and normal? Well, i don't drive...because i live in London...its not necessary under any individual circumstances. The rest of the country however...in short...isn't like London.

I drink a lot...because i socialise a lot, and beer is an integral part of it. Can i go out and not drink? Well, if needs must, then yes of course...just like my parents, they could stop driving and take the bicycle...but they're unlikely to do so until petrol rises to £3 a litre. I won't curtail my drinking until it reaches £5 a pint. In fact...i'll probably act in more devious ways...buying cans from off-licenses and topping it up in the toilets! Argh. Lets hope i have some sense and instead, direct all my social meetings to Sam Smith's pubs...organic beers and spirits, made in Tadcaster. Possibly the most socially responsible night of debauchery one could have in London. Not including Power Down of course! Or even better, give up drink altogether! Countless bad purchases have been made in the heady thrill of the night...or in the dull ache of the morning after. "Fuck it" is the usual sentiment. Embarrassing, to say the least.

The point of all this? Easy to be a smug bastard living an ecotarian life in the capital. Still, see blog entitled "Knee Jerk Reaction" for justification. It ain't easy.

Knee Jerk Reactions

Being ecotarian isn't easy. I'm sure vegetarians, pescatarians and vegans think they have it hard. But let me tell you, the turmoil they go through whilst making purchases is nothing compared with that of a poor ecotarian such as myself. The term "ecotarian" seems to fit with the other groups of self denialists. I define "ecotarianism" as abstaining (or trying to) from products that harm the environment by means of unsustainable manufacturing. And it doesn't have to be solely about food, in fact...every single thing one consumes, including services.

With a vegetarian, all they have to do is cut out meat from their diet. Decision: meat, or not meat. Technically, they could eat GM vegetables...they could eat vegetables that were grown using intensive farming practices and covered in a myriad of petrochemicals...and they would still be able to claim they were a vegetarian.

An ecotarian on the other hand, must weigh up an infinite amount of variables. Lets take the purchasing of a carrot as an example. Is the carrot organic? Locally sourced? Are you buying it from a huge multinational corporation (Tescos)? How far have you travelled especially to buy this carrot? These may seem like easy decisions to make, but its hard to get them all aligned. Should i be giving Tesco's any money at all? Corner shops arn't in the habit of selling anything remotely organic. Often, i throw my hands up in despair, choose the path of least resistance, and justify it later.

Terrible isn't it? And yet the most important aspect of ecotarianism is the will to change. Regardless of the decision one has just made, it is the fact that one had those decisions to make. The ecotarian has entered a new set of ethics into their decision making. With time and experience, it will get easier.

And what thanks do we get for all this inner turmoil? Certainly no respect whatsoever...not that that's the reason we take on this new lifestyle...or is it?! (That deserves its own discussion!) Still, the knee jerk reaction ecotarians face daily when in conversation with a "normal" citizen, is of scorn for apparent blatant hypocrisy. For example, maybe i might mention in the pub something about my compost heap...and some smart alec will cheekily denounce me as a hypocrite because i'm sat there with a pint of non-organic, mass produced lager that came from Ireland...along with my critic of course. As if there was no difference between me, Eva Peron, Idi Amin, Hitler, or Chris Martin.

If you have just become an ecotarian, stay calm, shrug it off. Do not under any circumstances retaliate in a torrent of self righteous abuse. Lead by example, and improve your daily processes by using the torment as a positive catalyst. None of us are doing enough, thats certain. Still, some of us are doing something. So be glad that you're on the path to atonement, if nothing else.

Howling Feedback: A Thing of The Past

I'm sure there is not one soul on this planet that finds deafening and screeching feedback pleasing to the ear. And yet, most of us involved in the bowels of the music industry, playing small, pokey or intimate venues, have to with-stand this blood curdling noise most times we venture to play live.

I am here to tell you, promoter, sound engineer, musician, whoever...it doesn't have to be this way! Yes, i am a musician, though do not jump to conclusions. A musician telling an engineer how to do his job...blasphemy! And i would agree with you in most cases. However, we're all on the same side here: anti feedback. So, please indulge me for a moment, and take note of the following information that will save all of us, a hell of a lot of pain.

Feedback is an expression of a room's dimensions. One may note that not all feedback has the same frequency...this is because the dimensions of the room, determine which frequencies are amplified over the others. The way to combat feedback is to "tune" the room before any sound check commences...before any musician, bar steward, cleaner...anyone, enters the venue.

To tune the room, you will need a graphic equaliser inserted somewhere in the signal flow of the PA. Third Octave graphic equalisers are the best, because they have many frequencies with which you can boost or cut (they increment in third octaves from 20hz to 20khz). Even the most basic of PA's have some sort of graphic equaliser on them. Here is what you do with it:

1. Turn all the gain pots, eq, and master fader right down. Make sure the graphic eq is at zero on every frequency.

2. Plug a mic into a channel, put on a mic stand, place directly infront of a speaker, 1 metre back from it.

3. Now for the dangerous part! Set the gain on the channel the mic is plugged into, to about 3/4s. Now turn up the master fader very slowly. When you start to hear a bit of feedback, identify using your ears and brain what frequency the feedback is...this comes from experience. Pull down the frequency on the graphic eq until the feedback disappears. If you can't work out what the frequency is, try every one until the feedback abates.

4. Start to bring the master fader up until you hear feedback again. Identify the frequency and cut on the graphic eq.

5. Do this until the fader has reached maximum. The room will now be "tuned". The mic was pointed directly at the speaker because it was an extreme scenario. When you place the mic where you intend it to be onstage, it will be even less likely to feedback now. You will now be able to turn the PA up to its maximum volume without it feeding back. Efficiency!

Some individual EQing on each channel will affect your adjustments to the graphic eq, so this should be done reservedly. For example, if an instrument needs a little boost in the top end...think in the negative...roll off some bottom end, and turn the channel up...much safer!

If you have monitors, you will need to do something similar with them, preferably with a separate graphic equaliser.

Please spread the word that feedback does not have to be an essential part of live music. And please, do not take this as some self righteous rant against engineers...we're all pseudo sound engineers at some point of our lives...my only intention is to pass on some information that will save a few hairs on our cochleas.

The Misogyny Myth Exposed

Unfortunately, i seem to have some explaining to do. After singing, rather ferociously "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn" and "Where there's female, you're bound to find bondage and lies", at recent gigs, a number of people have made some rather ridiculous assumptions.

First of all, i would like to stress, i am not a woman hater, in fact quite the opposite, though philanderer is too far polar.

Second of all, don't take the lyrics in these songs too seriously, for crying out loud *arghhhghghgh*. I have written a number of songs that have taken on the subject of male frustration with the opposite sex. They are intended half serious, half humorous. Women are always voicing their venomous opinions of men, and what is our response? Indifference, generally. Though these songs are not at all intended to be poisonous, or inciting hate for those divine creatures that men find so puzzling. They are notes on subtle experiences i've had in the past, that many can empathise (and possibly sympathise) with. Songs are all about taking small ideas and embellishing them til a hook hangs.

I beg you humourless folk to grasp this concept before there's a witch hunt and my limbs are fed to St George's pigeons. Though i'd secretly love the fact that i would no longer be a burden on the earth's resources if that happened.

Calm be with you.